Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
