Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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