i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
