Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Need sex. Gaining weight.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
