a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
