After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
