GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
No more Irish car bombs ever.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
