i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
