i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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