I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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