Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
