The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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