Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
