I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
