Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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