yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
