found the other keg... it's in the tree
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
