i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
