He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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