3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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