Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
As shirtless as possible
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
