I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
