I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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