When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
