FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
