There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
