some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
