I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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