i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
