i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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