even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
