Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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