Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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