I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
