So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
