all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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