i came on her dog
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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