after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
