Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
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You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
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Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Enjoy the penises
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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