There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
