btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
