My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
