Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
