he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
