She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
