it hurts more in the daytime
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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