She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
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There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
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My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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