He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
