I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
