I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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