You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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