she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
