I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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