i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
