She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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