PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
