party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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