Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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