I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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