You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
